Not pray and fix—pray and listen

Toni Nayback | from the Christian Science Sentinel

Listening to God lets us experience His goodness.

Have you ever prayed about a situation and then gone to friends for advice? Or maybe you even tried their advice, thinking that it was all part of your prayer.

I call this the “pray and fix” approach, which I got trapped in for several years while I was in a particular relationship. All sorts of issues had kept Barry and me from making a commitment, including different religious backgrounds. We’d break up. I’d pray. But then I’d try to manipulate an outcome. I just knew Barry was the man for me.

It wasn’t until we finally felt we’d ended it for good that I decided I needed to tune out all the human chatter and listen only to God.

True peace comes with getting to know God better.

Years of success with prayer in Christian Science, when I was ill or stressed, had taught me that true peace comes with getting to know God—and myself as His loved child—better. “The truths of immortal Mind [God] sustain man . . . ,” wrote Mary Baker Eddy (Science and Health, p. 103). I gradually discovered how to let these truths sustain my day-to-day thoughts, rather than allow my emotions to run rampant. This often required me to consciously turn to God, who is Love itself, for direction every minute.

At first, it was difficult. Then I read the Bible story of the Shunnamite woman who went to Elisha for help when her son died. All along the way she said “It is well” instead of talking about her son’s condition. Elisha returned with her and raised the boy to life. But what struck me was that she’d proclaimed a trust that everything was already well (see II Kings, chap. 4).

I began to pray consistently with the idea that everything in my life was already good. I saw that I could trust that whether I felt or saw it at that moment, “it was well” with me, too, because God was the source of the good in my life—not a particular person or relationship.

In God’s sight, there was nothing troubled to fix.

My previous approach of praying to God to fix up my relationship with Barry had missed an important point. In God’s sight, there was nothing troubled to fix. I saw in my prayer that I could trust the fact that “God is not moved by the breath of praise to do more than He has already done, nor can the infinite do less than bestow all good … ” (Science and Health, p. 2). Before long I felt whole and loved.

There were times, though, when I’d think of Barry’s wonderful qualities and feel separated from good all over again. A breakthrough came when I really reached out to God and asked, “How do I need to see this man?” The answer came, “Love him as Jesus loved.” In other words, I needed to appreciate his spiritual nature as God’s child. I suddenly saw that because Barry’s good qualities came from God, those qualities couldn’t disappear from my life any more than from his; they were permanent. I saw and felt for the first time that I wasn’t dependent on any person for my joy or love. I felt so free. I just knew that all really was well and that I would be fine, regardless of what happened in this relationship or any other.

It’s amazing, but within hours Barry called. He’d been doing some praying of his own and realized that he wanted me in his life. If he’d called me before all my prayers to feel closer to God, my heart would have leapt for joy and I would have run back to him without a backward glance. This time was different. It’s not that I wasn’t glad. But I felt the most wonderful feeling of calm that I’d ever had about our relationship.

We did get back together, after I was sure I was agreeing for the right reasons. Once we did, it was an entirely different relationship, without a vestige of the old divisive issues.

We’ve now been married for over ten years. It’s a happy relationship full of mutual respect, tender love, and appreciation for each other’s perspective. The entire experience has been foundational, teaching me much about how I need to be sure the actions I take are truly God-directed. I’ve built on this prayer-lesson many times since, and found the same peace that comes when the plan is truly from God.

Toni Nayback lives in Plymouth, Michigan, with her husband, Barry, and their two children.